Ups and Downs

You know how we all have ups and downs, yet we always seem to think that we have more downs than ups? Don't be humble and say "nope, I'm pretty happy." Because I think we all DO have more downs than ups. The thing is that when we have an up it is one of the best ups we have ever had. We feel so elated to know that at that precise up moment we are on top of th world while the rest are at the bottom. We enjoy seeing other suffer as long as we aren't. Once we are all suffering it's a whole other story. Take for example our economic crisis here in the U.S. Now that most of the midddle and lower class population is suffering financially, we are all interested in eachother's well-being. We all want to be stable. See, now that everyone is at a down we all want to be up, no matter the way. Let's turn the saituation around a bit, or just change perspectives. If I was filthy rich and had no care in the world involving this economic crisis I would say that I was on top of the world. Who cares if other people are suffering. As long as I am doing fine then who cares what other people are going through. I wish I was like this. Then, I would be on top of the world all the time. The reality is though that I am not rich and I am not on top of the world. As a middle class citizen I do not have the essentials to have an up. The last time I had an up was months ago and ever since then its been going downhill everyday. However; when I do experience an up I make it last. I make my up feel like a high. In todays world it is best to make the best out of everything. I know it may be hard in some situations to make it the best, but what is the use in being a grumpy meanie all the time. I admit that it is hard for me to be optimitistic but at least I try. My last blog explains how I need space and time in order to get better but through it all I try to be happy. So far I have been able to smile at least once a day. A smile a day helps keep the depression away, or at least the emo thoughts. For every up I experience, I get five downs. Not great odds but at least I get one.

Success and Failure

If there is anything that I dislike most, it is when someone tells me what to do. What is worse, is when someone tells me to keep my head up. I already know that and I do not need someone to tell me that every five minutes. I know what I need to do in order to get to my goal. One person in particular told me that I was being tempered with. That I am just being teased before I can actually get to where I needed to go. This is not something I need to hear when I am in a slight depression. If anything, that will make me feel worse. Why in the world would I want someone to tell me that soemone is teasing me because I was not able to get to my destination in my first attempt. It's hard on me already to have to suffer everyday for something that I did not deserve. Okay, so right now I sound like a spoiled brat, but this has nothing to do with what I am talking about. I was given the opportunity but it was devilishly snagged away from me. I just want some time to mope. I want to be able to have time to myself. I am not asking for sympathy or pity, I am just asking for time and space. The only thing that worries me is that I am not sure how much of it I need in order to recuperate...

New Place

It's that one place that calms me, that makes me feel renewed, that awakens me, that shows me there is something to look forward to, that kisses me in the face, that hugs my heart and shows me how to live. It's in that place where I am able to feel like myself. I do not have the daily hassles of mandatory talk with so-called friends in my place.There are no crazy famous people that cause havoc in the streets, and there is definately no one to make you do anything you don't want to do. I can disconnect myself in order to reconnect. Many don't understand why this place is so special to me, but that's what makes it so special to me. I get to go back soon, after my absence of three months. It's a breath of fresh air for me. I know that so many people have this type of getaway yet many can get to it faster than others. That's the sad part, that sometimes we are not so fortunate to have our getaways so close to us. But then if it was any closer it wouldn't be so much of a getaway now would it? I just hope that when I get there that I am able to enjoy it to the fullest extent as I did the last time. My family makes me feel so much better when I am there and they animate me to keep going further. They are my motivation to keep going back to my roots in order to succeed. They make me see the beauty that others don't. It is my place no matter how many thousands live or visit there. I am able to connect with the people, the nature, and the food! No one can take that away from me. And the best part is that My Place is not just one place but several. That is the beauty and that is My Own Getaway. I go to get away from THIS reality and turn to a new one. I just hope again that this time that the current reality won't be too harsh on me when I get back, since it always is......

Life on Mars

So what the Hell is the matter with all these fires in California? I look out my window and I see a red glow all over. My living room has a scandalous orange color looming over the couches coming in from the windows. I walk out and my nostrils burn as I take in the smell of the burning hills. Despite the fires being miles away from where I live. I comment to my brother that it looks like the end of the world. Obviously it's not but it just lookis like it. The freeways are closed, and peoples home are being destroyed. Searchdogs are being used and the winds are not helping I see ashes on the car and feel a sense of uncertainty just because I have always been scared of fires. It looks like a different world altogether. I love nature, yet this crazy fury she shows through fires is absolutely mindblowing. It's an alternate reality these fires. It's like life on Mars.