Falling

I fell hard. this time I do not know what to do. I like the feeling but I do not like where it is going. It is one of those feelings where you know what is going to happen but at the same time you have absolutely no clue what is going to happen. I dream about it, but I also dread it. I will hurt someone, but probably make two people happy. You know like killing two birds with one stone? But I do not want to kill it, I want to make it right. Is what I feel morally right, or even ethical? I am stuck in a situation in which I cannot get out. I want to scream out the feeling but whisper the reason. Is that too complicated? I want it so bad but then fear that once I get it, I will not be entirely happy knowing that I got what I want. I know that makes absolutely no sense, but it does to me. It is just that I have had everything taken away from me and I feel that having this one thing will brighten up my life. I just want THAT ONE THING. I did not do what I wanted to do, I did not get what I needed, and I did not get anything to make up for my rejection. Why can I not have this one thing. Instead I get something else. I get something that is totally bizarre and uncalled for. And the reason why I get this is because KARMA hates me and I am not in anyway deserving of anything. Screw the fact that I worked my ass off in high school, or my life in general, Life is just so damn lame. I have always been the optimistic one, but today, this week, this month is not meant for me. I have fallen so deep and I do not know if I will be able to get out and make the best. I feel like I deserve a bit of pessimism in my views.I think for a while I can be pessimistic. These feelings make me feel so horrible, yet I want it so bad. I NEED it. But I have fallen.

Sleep

SLEEP; it is the one thing that cannot be taken away. It's the one thing that everybody has, whether they be poor, rich, happy, sad, sick or healthy. It is something precious. It is not to be tampered with; yet, so many people take it for granted. Let me explain. When you sleep you enter a different world. A world that you create. A place that you can call your own reality. For some, it may scary for others it does not come often enough. SLEEP is so powerful. IT creates grand fantasies and even tumultuous nightmares. When people suffer from insomnia, it is one if the worst things that can happen. For one, the person cannot sleep. Second, the person cannot dream. Of course there are day dreams but it is not the same as SLEEP. With day dreams you do not get the relaxation of a bed and pillow; however, you do get more control over a fantasy. I think I like sleep more than i can account for. When someone sleeps it is as if they have died but are alive. It is so fascinating that something like this can happen to us. Those who do not value SLEEP are those who think that they live a life of crazy partying and do not need SLEEP. But if you think about it, SLEEP is a medicine in and of itself. When you have a headache, does not a nap sound enticing? What about when someone has the flu? The natural instinct is to SLEEP in order to recover, no? I also believe that SLEEP makes a person happy. Am it not right? do you not know of grouchy people in the morning? This is because they can no longer SLEEP and must get up for the day. I know too much SLEEP is bad for a person but it seems that you can never get enough. I hate the fact so many people probably think that i am crazy since I think this way, but that is because they have never SLEPT a real SLEEP -If that makes any sense. Maybe me posting this may make me seem a little crazy; however, it is a risk that I am willing to take.

So with that said, SLEEP well my friends, and do not underestimate the power of the the Shut Eye.

Love

LOVE is a word that is used too often. It does not have the same effect as it once used to. The word LOVE is used to lightly. I hear it everyday and I hear everywhere. I hear it when someone asks forgiveness, "I'm so sorry! You know I LOVE you." I hear it when someone is on the phone, "All right then, see you soon. I LOVE ya." I hear it when someone wants something, "You know I LOVE you right?" I hear it when someone feels their self esteem is low, "Do you really LOVE me?" I mean if you think about it, people only say that they love you because they either want something or they feel obligated to say it. What ever happened to sincerity? Why does everyone say, "I LOVE how that looks on you," "I LOVE they way they did that," "I LOVE that ___insert material good___," "I LOVE that you LOVE saying LOVE." See what I mean? I know that I am a victim of saying LOVE a lot as well. But I mean hey come on, cut the crap. If you are going to tell someone that you LOVE them, make sure you say it with meaning and with LOVE. Because seriously, how are you going to know when someone is falling for you if all they say to medio mundo is i LOVE you? I just want to know that when someone tells me those three words, "I LOVE you," that they mean it and they say it with such sincerity that i KNOW it is LOVE. And not some half ass remark that really is meant to mean, "hey you're cool, let's go to yoshinoya." Because I mean seriously, who wants that? Life is short as it is, and to be wasting your time with little remarks like that ito be wasting your life.

By the way,

I LOVE YOU.