fear and anger

okay, so i know that I am leaving in approximately 29 days, but even though I am exponentially excited, inside I still have a crap load of fear and anger. I just don't want to admit this fear to my mother or family for that matter, because this will give them permission to try and talk me out of fulfilling my dream. This will give them leeway to put me down. And for me this only fuels me further to attain my destiny. I can't be the weak one anymore. according to my brother, he thinks I am rebelling against my mother, but this is not true. I am only zipping on my thick skin to keep me from getting hurt from any one's negativity. And the reason I feel fear is because I will be out on my own. This is not a trip where I will be back home in a couple of days, I will be there for months at a time. It WILL be hard for me, but I have to learn how to fend for myself if I ever want to survive in this wretched world. Once I am able to do this, then I know that I will be able to do anything.

And even though I have my thick skin on most of the time, this thick skin is wearing out and I don't know how much more i can take before I send everyone to Hell. This is the anger that I am speaking about, because honestly, it's getting to a point where people who aren't even my family are pissing me off, and I don't know where that is coming from. I am not bi-polar nor am I taking medication, but there are days where everything is okay and I want to say sorry to people but when I do want to do that, those very same people lash out against me. I can take hypocrisy, and I can also take ignorance. But some things I will not take are, stupidity and lies. And I will not leave California before telling these people their errors.

I put myself on the ledge for many people, but this is all changing dramatically. I will not be known as the nice girl anymore, this is how many of my problems started. I am not trying to be the attention-seeking, psychopathic, narcissistic, drama queen, like someone I know: I am simply telling everyone that I won't take any one's bullsh!t anymore. I know this blog is sounding more angry than I wanted it to sound but, I just need everyone to know this. And anyone who is feeling guilty about this is a person who knows they have done harm to me. And let me tell you this, if you are feeling guilty, well all I can tell you is that I will not be playing your game anymore and you can F*** Off! I'm done!