a new leaf

Have you ever listened to a song and realized that you were wasting your time doing something else, or thinking about irrelevant things? I have. And I believe it is one the greatest feelings of liberation and revelation ever. I have not created a new post, since I felt like my world was collapsing. I mean, it was nearing Christmas and I felt emptier than a depressed Mexican eating stale left over Chinese food from the night before. (which i have done, ironically). I did not want to keep writing depressing, emotional blogs that after reading, made you feel like you also wanted to shut the world out. I was on a road trip with my mom and this is where I realized that life is more important than sitting in my room and wondering what went wrong. I understand that life threw me a curve ball, but it is hard to accept. It was a rejection that I was not willing to take. But feeling the cold Southwest wind caress my bare legs and the sun kiss my cheeks, I understood that THAT was much more important. Nature indeed helped me to open my eyes and take in the grandeur. I was listening to Coldplay while this happened. Lovers in Japan to be exact. The lyrics I will forever remember, since it was these that lifted me from the hole in which I stood.

"Lovers, keep on the road you're on
Runners, until the race is run
Soldiers, you've got to soldier on
Sometimes even right is wrong
They are turning my head out
To see what I'm all about
Keeping my head down
To see what it feels like now
But I have no doubt
One day, we are gonna get out
Tonight maybe we're gonna run
Dreaming of the Osaka sun
Ohh ohh...
Dreaming of when the morning comes
They are turning my head out
To see what I'm all about
Keeping my head down
To see what it feels like now
But I have no doubt One day the sun will come out "


I know I have a long way to go but I do have no doubt that I will not be in the dark for long. I am taking my left turn today. I have learned to accept what has happened, but I will absolutely not smile about it. I am just eighteen years old and I feel like my world has been turned upside down more than once. Another curve ball may and will be thrown at me during this life, but I intend to swing with all my might. I have had my first strike but I am still not out of the game. My brother has helped me to feel this way. He has helped me to embrace what will come. My chapters keep getting written, but the epilogue is far away. I am simply turning over a new leaf for the New Year. Happy 2009.